In this blog, I will cover:
• What is the meaning of ‘Communication is Key’?
• My experience before and after brain injury
• My advice for others
What is the meaning of ‘Communication is Key’?
Communication is commonly defined as the exchange of information between people. Communication can be verbal or non-verbal, the latter including visual and written communication. In all areas of our life – social, familial, work – communication is important to ensure healthy, long-lasting relationships and life satisfaction, not to mention peace of mind. When we communicate effectively, we make life easier for ourselves and others. This is why communication is key.
My experience before and after brain injury
Before my brain injury, I had good communication skills in some areas, but not all!
I’ve always been an upbeat, motivated and well-mannered person. My upbringing in a rural village meant I was part of a close-knit community. I was blessed to have a loving family and friends who were reliable and trustworthy. Being the eldest of five helped me to develop my communication skills. I often clashed with my siblings when we were younger, fighting like cats and dogs. As our brains developed, we matured and our relationships strengthened due to improved communication.
The social and communication skills I developed during my early stages of life came in useful when I left school and started my electrical apprenticeship in 1996. I met some great friends at work and college, and generally found it easy to fit in, make friends and slot into new groups. I had a natural tendency to feel responsible for those around me and played a lead role in some social groups. I was someone who genuinely cared and you could talk to about your problems. I would happily listen and offer advice and guidance when I could.
Before I knew it, I was a young dad and a foreman at work. Both roles demanded good communication skills, especially as my team at work grew to twenty electricians. Effective communication was key for success in this role. Giving clear and concise instructions and being realistic with my expectations were hugely important. I didn’t struggle to motivate and get the best out of my team.
Overall, I was a good communicator.
One area I struggled with was being honest about my mental health. I certainly wasn’t unique in this – there wasn’t much conversation about mental health on construction sites or in general society during the late 1990s and early 2000s. It’s fair to say there was a huge stigma, especially for men. Like everyone, I had emotions, perceived weaknesses, vulnerabilities, worries, etc. I kept these to myself, which didn’t help at times. My inner voice could be my own worst enemy. I often carried unnecessary mental baggage, which was heavy and tiring. It wasted valuable time and could manifest into something it wasn’t. Despite this, I was generally positive and had the mental strength to manage my mind well.
Following my brain injury, everything changed. A frontal lobe brain haemorrhage blew my life to pieces on every level you can imagine. My personality changed along with cognitive functions, including information processing, memory and communication skills. This impacted relationships with everyone, including the one I had with myself. I often felt lost, confused and vulnerable.
During the early days of recovery, some of my deficits were visible – speech impairment, repeating myself, being forgetful and displaying a vacant persona. Over time this got better and my ongoing challenges became invisible. I put a brave face on and tried to act like I was okay; I didn’t want to tell people I had a brain injury. This poor style of communication was exhausting and didn’t help my mood or general recovery. I used to think that people didn’t understand my struggles, but they were never going to unless I told them how I was feeling. Before my brain injury, I relied on my mental strength to get me through difficult times, but now I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong; I was a vulnerable man.
I was struggling with daily living, which impacted all areas of my life (family, social, work); ultimately, I spiralled into depression. Again, I tried to act like I was okay. My ego/pride was preventing me from accessing the support I desperately needed. I started isolating myself and suffering in silence.
Eventually, with encouragement from my brother, Mark, I accessed mental health services. This is when everything changed for the better. Talking about how I felt and the challenges of being different after brain injury was therapeutic. It released my torment and lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. My therapist helped me reframe certain ways I was thinking and see the world more positively. I accepted I was different and I embraced the new me. I am no less of a person. Communication was key!
This encouraged more honest conversations with my nearest and dearest. I started by sharing little things I was struggling with. My fear of being mocked or perceived as weak was proved to be unfounded. Sharing real and raw insights stimulated conversations that helped to eliminate any misunderstanding. People were able to give me time, consideration or the space I needed. The power of effective communication had never been so evident, and I’ve never looked back. These days I’m more open with family, friends and colleagues. I absolutely don’t mind telling people I’ve had a brain injury – in fact, the charity is built on it!
Effective communication just makes life so much easier.
My advice for others
I would encourage anyone to communicate effectively, especially after sustaining a brain injury or when struggling with mental health. I understand that it isn’t always easy, sometimes due to damage caused by a brain injury or cultural, familial and societal influences, but it can be done. When we communicate effectively, we free mind space for joy and social connection. This enables us to focus on the things that bring meaning and purpose. It helps us thrive in life. If you’re affected by brain injury then engaging in neuro-rehabilitation is essential as is using coping strategies or tools to communicate. Also, accessing community services like P.A.U.L For Brain Recovery can really help to build your confidence and come to terms with life-long challenges. Having strong relationships or developing them with people you trust obviously makes communicating easier. If you’re someone that struggles to communicate with your peers then there are professional organisations who understand and want to help. Go easy on yourself – and remember, you are not alone.
For more information about communication after brain injury, or any of the services at P.A.U.L For Brain Recovery, please visit: